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The nobleman who once rescued me from Chad on horseback.  

Ironically I arrived home 8 days ago to a computer on the fritz so my technology hiatus has been lengthened.  In a way it is fitting because 8 days is a significant marker to people in Pouss.

Amina's daughter, Djara.  She is 10 years old.

For Muslims there are funeral celebrations on the 3rd day, 8th day and 40th day since a person's death.  My trip coincided with the 40th day celebration of Amina's life.  The night before we (the women) stayed up cooking and then got up early to cook some more for all the religious men and male members of the family who came to pray.  There were probably more than one hundred people gathered to pray for Amina Thursday morning.  Many people took me aside to tell me about her.  Amina died the morning of the Ramadan festival which is a very rare and special occurrence for Muslims.  There is no mosque in Pouss large enough for the 6,000+ faithful who pray together, facing East, at day break.  When someone dies on Ramadan her body is placed in front of all the people gathered and they pray for her as they begin their Ramadan prayers.   To me this was an appropriate way to say farewell to Amina.  In my mind she will always be the generous, innocent, soft spoken girl who was married very young against her will.   She deserved to be honored in the best manner possible.

In many ways this trip was a "good-bye" for me.   I discovered that while Cameroon felt like a playground when I was there in my 20s the thrill of pit latrines, bush taxis and motorcycle taxis has waned.  I am no longer the anthropologist studying the the indigenous culture of Pouss.  I am more interested in the anthropology of American public education.  While Cameroon and I have both changed, my connections in Pouss were the same - as if just picking up where I left off.  Even as I say farewell to the place I am not ready to say good bye to the people.

Amina's son, Yaya, the 13 year old budding electrician. 

In fact, Noah and I are in the process of trying to become the legal guardians to Amina's two children.  She spent the last two weeks of her life coming in and out of consciousness.  When she was alert her pleas were for the future of her children.  Right now they are living with Dada (Zayla) their grandmother who is in her 70s.  She is ready to have her sons take care of her rather than be a primary care giver.  Amazingly, this does not feel - to me - to be a choice, rather I feel like I am being called to do this.  It means I am not hemming and hawing over pros and cons but am full ready for chaos and beauty of a different kind of family.  In fact, their absence in our lives while we wait out the paperwork is noticeable.

Thanks for all of your kind thoughts and words along this journey.  I am so grateful to have been able to make this trip.  Tosey (thank you)!  Dana

Trip Home

So Dana has wrapped up her trip to Pouss. In fact, she has just left Paris and is making her way back to Boston and then home! I spoke with her yesterday while she was in Younde and she sounded good, tired (a bit frustrated), but good. She's battling a bit of a stomach thing (hmmm, Africa, stomach thing...?) but otherwise reports that she is in good health.

The kids and I are thrilled that tonight she will be home. The past couple of days, Ellie has been sing-songing "mommy's coming home" and Ethan has been drawing little welcome home pictures. We had planned to get a banner but didn't find the time. One thing that I have viscerally experienced is how truly over scheduled we are. We have tried so hard to avoid that pattern as parents and a family, but clearly we have fallen prey to the temptation of thinking that more is better (even while our unofficial family mantra is "less is more"). Every day of the week and on the weekend, we were off going to some activity. Maybe we will find the motivation to actually change that...but that may be for another blog!

My hope is that Dana will post the final entry in a couple of days. Thank you for reading this blog and commenting and otherwise supporting Dana on this voyage. She has not seen the blog yet and I know she is looking forward to it.

Past 3 days...

So Dana, after meeting with legal people in Marua heard the call of the village and so returned to Pouss via a bush taxi (basically an over crowded minivan). For some reason her cell was not working in Marua which led to some weird and cryptic messages that had me a bit anxious for a while. To solve that, she bought a cell phone in Marua...that did not seem to work either! So once out of Marua on her way to Pouss she was able to start texting again. Given the election, she figured being farther north would be safer. Apparently many people voted for Paul Biya because he gave out thousands of mosquito nets last year.

So her plan is to head back to Marua tomorrow (tuesday) morning then fly to Yaounde on Wednesday and pretty much stay at the airport until her flight to Paris. She should be back in Boston Thursday afternoon! Where she will be picked up by Flavia...I think I should call to remind her.

The kids and I can't wait to see her!

Day 8

The latest from Dana:

Maroua really has changed. I can go to an ATM and get
CFA in cash (!) and chez moussa doesnt exist anymore (a favorite PC
hangout under the shade of huge trees on mats in the sand with frozen
mango drinks) Time has marched on here as it has in my life of course
in my mind nothing here had changed. It is still neat but selfishly I
think it was more fun back in the day (have i gotten old or what?)
the best part is the way i am with Asta and Zayla has not changed.
Like dear friends we just puicked up and left off. We laugh all the
time! Interestinly I have not heard NASSARA (white man) all day long
the way i used to back in the day - at the same time I have not heard
BARAYE as much either :)

Day 7

Here is the latest from Dana:

I am back in MRA so now it is the internet for us...i am sitting in an internet cafe with A/C! who knew!
So, Djara will NOT be coming home with me yet. It,ll take time ( 3 months) to do the paperwork with a paralegal to get guardianship sorted out. I,m good with this - it should not be too easy to take charge of a child.

my thoughts on Pouss: it has changed so much! There is electricity in the market and some houses so there is music playing most of the time. There are new pumps and a hospital. Nearly everyone has a mobile phone and nearly every family has a garden in their yard (during rainy season - btw it is raining right now) All the boats are made of tin and planed wood now - no more dug out canoes. Unfortunately 20 years of plastic bags have taken their toll so I would say it is less `quaint` than i remember but people seem to have a better life. Samson said it best `humans can do anything but evolve`

In so many ways it still the same. I am surprised by how much Musgum I remembered as soon as I heard it. It became pretty clear to me that Im not satisfied being the entertainment - the funny stranger who can speak their language. Im so glad I was there for Amina,s funeral! And I,m glad we can think about Djara - her nickname is Koshay and means pretty one in Arab-shwa

So, i miss you sooooooo much and my work here is done....I,m going to see if i can come home sooner - especially with an election about to happen

Day 6-plot twist

Today Dana called during the middle part of the day. In fact, she called twice. Things have gotten complicated (go figure)! If you read yesterday’s texts between Dana and her mom, you get the picture. There is a cute 11-year-old girl, Amina’s daughter Djada, in the mix and Dana and I have been talking about bringing her to live with us. It does not appear as if she has many good options for schooling or life if she stays in Pouss. Now, don’t everybody get mad at me. I get that this is a very US-centric view and there are lots of moral, cultural and legal issues to explore and deal with. I’m putting this out there because I want input from all of you. Please be honest, but constructive!

So it seems that Amina and Djada’s biological father were never married. Apparently, neither he nor his family has acknowledged her presence in any significant way. Djada’s maternal grandmother, Dada and her sons have provided for Amina and Djada.

Dada and her family feel they have guardianship of Djada and have already contacted local magistrates for documentation. Dana brought Djada to the doctor yesterday and she is well. It appears all of Pouss is in support of her coming home with Dana. Now the plot thickens…bio dad and his family were asked for permission and have said no. So, where does that leave us?

I called probate court here, and was told that unless there is some sort of official Cameroonian Termination of Parental Rights, bio dad would need to sign off on this. I have an appointment with an immigration lawyer next week but she even said that this would take time and that Dana would not be able to do all of this by next week.
So those of you familiar with Dana probably realize that about now she is thinking that fate is telling her not to do this. Add to that the fact that our family focus is on our children and Dana getting her principal certification and adding a third child would necessarily change our lives…for the better I’m sure, but nevertheless it would be a major change.

I have to say that I love the idea of doing something like this, terrified to be sure, but it feels at some level like a really good thing. Interestingly, and possibly selfishly, I’m not interested in becoming a DCF foster family. Bringing back the daughter of Dana’s African sister seems so much more authentic to who we (I) am. Then again, our plate is already pretty full. Please share your thoughts!

Day 5 addendum

This string of texts from Dana's mother Joan from today-

7:20 am Dana: OMG am in Pouss since yesterday. Am installed next door to my old house. My phone died in afternoon. Today is market. Now am charged. Perfect timing for funeral.

7:46 am Joan: Kee vee lee jam? Missing you. thanks for the ext. Is this house in your old compound? I love market. Eat a beignet for me. Memories. Searching for signal kills phone. Is there electricity in Pouss? Hug for you. buy food from me. Love you.

9:19 am Dana: Funeral ends Thurs. They want me to adopt Djara. She is 11 and wants a family. she looks just like Amina.

9:23 am Jam Kadaye--everything different yet same. Cried lots yesterday for Amina. EV

9:24 am Joan expected that. At work. answer soon.

11:48 am Joan: I cry thinking of her also.

11:50 am Joan: How does Asta feel re: adoption? How do Ellie and Ethan feel about it? Djara will be swayed by adult opinions. Big change for everyone. Yet many come. Noah will talk with Violet who came at 17 from Rwanda for her perspective. glad you're in time for funeral. Hugs from me.

1:50 pm Dana: She is right here next to me. she LOVES the doll-is braiding her hair. Every 6 pieces is a braid.

1:59 pm Dana: Asta thinks is good Djara will go to school and won't have to marry young. she looks just like AMina. they both greet you. Ellie want, Ethan not. Love.

2:50 pm Joan Hello Djara, I am glad you like the doll.

Day 5

So Dana called this morning. She had messed up the time difference and was, at first, shocked that the kids were up and having breakfast at this very early hour of...7:05am. Apparently she thought it was one hour earlier. After we decided the time difference was 5, not 6, hours different we had a wonderful conversation. The kids faces really lit-up when they heard Mommy was on the phone. Apparently her phone had died the day before and the "electricity" was intermittent at best. Anyway, she was standing in the one spot-under a tree-that had enough reception from a tower in Chad, to call from. We had a wonderful talk and the kids were just plain tickled. Apparently, Amina died on the first day of Ramadan, which is seen as a fortuitous death and so she had a large and rather elaborate funeral. I had a brief talk with a very sweet sounding 11 year old girl, in French and a slightly longer one with one of Dana's "African sisters".

Dana sounded very good, happy and positive. Stay tuned, there may be some BIG news coming down the pike.

When I got back from work, I found out Dana had called again at 3pm, thinking it was later this time... :)

Day 4

Dana got to Pouss today. There may be some communication issues as Dana tried calling me twice this morning but the calls were dropped. Joan called me to say she received a text from Dana wondering if texts were getting through to me. I have texted Dana today but not heard anything. There was so much contact the first 2 days with a bit less on the 3rd day, that I am really feeling the separation. I kept checking my phone and email today at work.

Today I got the first dose of being a single parent. Finishing laundry, breakfasts, snack, chores, drop-off at school...my own shower. It was chaotic! I guess I need to get up a bit earlier.

Well, that's all for now...I'm at karate with the kids so I think I need to focus on them. When in doubt, circle the wagon around family.

Day 3

The kids are definitely taking Dana's trip hard. Ethan was suppose to go to a birthday party yesterday but didn't feel up to it. We even went to the party to drop off a little gift, with me thinking he would see all the fun and change his mind. He was glued to my side the whole 3 minutes we were there. And Ellie looks much of the time like she is fighting back tears. This reaction if sooo normal given their ages, though I can't help but wonder if we have raised them to be too dependent and clingy! In any event, they are very sweet kids!!!!

Here is the latest from Dana:

I think the cliche is that as we get older the places
from our past seem smaller upon our return. This is not the case with
Maroua. Maybe my eyes see wider now but MRA seems to have grown! And
there is a lot more traffic. Everyone carries a cell phone. I
noticed that the exchange rate is better for Cameroonians than in the
90s (worse for me) but it means people seem to have more things...the
electricity doesnt go out at all, there is airconditioning in offices.
It is different, but the same in all the good ways. Tired today b/c
I didnt sleep well last night and when i got up there was a cockroach
in bed with me! wish I could send you photos but they are on the
phone which won't work...

African News

Some of you have expressed interest/concern about state of affairs. I can't vouch for the leanings or accuracy, however here is a link to a blog that might have some information.

http://www.postnewsline.com/

Day 2 in country-evening

Here is the latest from Dana. By the way, I have not received any photos yet, but as soon as I do, I will put them on the blog.

So here I am in Maroua haven't seen much yet but Samson and his sweet
family. I got here at 4pm so I'm leaving for Pouss in the am-it
would have been too dark to drive at night. I forgot it gets dark here
at 6pm.

I am in Samson's office at the ministry of posts etc. He is their
tech guy: He is in charge of the media room. There are 12 computers
here that he networks and repairs. I remember when he was in his 20s and
he always wanted to work with electronics. the internet has been good
to him.

His children are adorable. His wife and I connected about our
youngest sons-they are busy and into everything. just like I did, she
is waiting for her 10 month old to walk just to slow him down.

pics coming by phone
xoxoxoxo Dana.

Day 2 in country

Email from Dana:

here i am in Garoua typing on a French key board...where did they put the A?
In true Cameroonian fashion I saw some people at the airport who looked
Mpassaye so I asked them and low and behold they had been wondering if it
was (me) and we made quite a seen shaking hands and greeting in Musgum.
One of the guys is the director Generale of SEMRY - the rice co in Maga -
now he is Secretary or Minister of something so I have been dropped off at
Samson's aunts house while he is in a meeting (how is it we didnt figure
out there is an election here next week!!!) anyway - i am in his charge and
he will deliver me to Maroua today. My phone is charging and I write -
apparently there is an adapter for the adapter. I have spoken with Samson
and I am expected in Pouss tomorrow!!! Here is a pic so the kids can see
that I am still me and doing fine! Debbie and Liz will like to know that
i had poulet DG and castel for dinner last night. I,ll text soon!!
(here I go the car is on its way!!)

Love, Dana

link to map of Cameroon

http://www.lonelyplanet.com/maps/africa/cameroon/

I thought a visual might be helpful for those not familiar with the country.  I'm not tech savvy enough to have put the actual map here (I did try), so here is the link.

Saturday October 1st (in country)

It was a fitful night for me as I kept checking to see if my phone was still working.   I can only imagine how Dana felt on one of those huge double decker jets.  She had texted me before the departure that she was on one of the:
      "big ones w2 floors my hips barely fit"

She then went on to tell me she was so far front that she was almost in first class.  I wondered if she could score some caviar.  Alas no, it would seem.

At 5:31am I got a text:  Wheels down cdg (that's code for Charles de Gaulle airport, Paris).

At 5:36am the text read: U r cute (I can only imagine what she meant by that, maybe I had said something funny!)

At 5:40am: Yikes went to wrong terminal  (clearly she needs a more Parisian French repertoire).

By 6:41 she had made her first continental purchase, a pair of sox (she had been cold) and water.

At 7:05: Wow do i ever miss yall (thanks Debbie)  r they tired?

At 7:08:  Is this crazy?  (I kinda wanted to say YES!!!!! but didn't)

At 7:16    Any minute there is a young woman here reminds me of debbie    my french needs work and so does the odor  lov u 2 (apparently I must have mentioned that I love her).

At 7:23: "...I like text-like a secret..."  (I guess I gotta go change my texting plan).

At 7:32: she is clearly hallucinating "Je regards vos photo"

At 7:52 am: "Were about to go   je vous aime!"

At 7:59:  I predict crying babies (on the plane) but i dont mind   reminds me of e&e have a good day jim just called (jim, who's jim??? naw just kidding) gotta go.

At 2:15pm (8:15pm Africa):  Wheels down in yde (Yaounde, Cameroon)   wish u were here.

At 3:17pm Dana called to tell me that she was waiting in the taxi to take her to the hotel.  She sounded really good and the connection was great.  The smells and sounds of Africa were all coming back to her and she had not seen any flies or mosquitoes...yet!    She had forgotten that the Cameroonians clap when a plane lands  (I don't know about you, but knowing that doesn't give me a huge amount of confidence in the safety of the air system).  Anyway, we all had a chance to talk to her, Ellie and Ethan REally liked that they were talking to Africa (you know what they meant).  I gotta say, it was really unnerving in a way that she sounded so close.  It was like she was at home waiting for us and that we would all be together in 30 minutes and not 13 days.    Anyway, I am really excited and happy for her.

Friday Departure

It was a tearful departure from Terminal E at Logan Airport.  Dana and Ellie really took it on the chin.  The boys, were much more stoic...as boys so often are.   However, we boys were sad and Ethan kept saying that he wished mommy didn't need to go to Africa.   By the way,  I haven't been to an international airport in a way long time, but I don't remember the female flight attendants looking quite so much like the characters on Pan Am.  And I've only seen one episode!  

I got first text as we were driving away from the parking lot:
     "What am i doing i just said good bye to my children?!"

We continued to text until 11:02 :
     "Here we go   taxi"

We were both a bit nervous about this trip and apparently Joan, Dana's mom, was also nervous which didn't help matters!  Oh well, that's what moms do.

Day of...ve

So the kids made us breakfast today, very sweet...literally.  Bowls of whipped cream, apples with whipped cream, you get the idea.  I did manage to insert a few turkey sausages into the mix.  Now it's a mad dash to do laundry, pack and attend to any last minute details.

The kids and families in our town have been so nice and have collected books, jewelry and other gift for Dana to take to Pouss.  I feel sorry for the baggage handlers!  I wonder what the weight limit is?  Oh well, it's for a good cause.

26 hours and counting...

Zayla, Amina and her daughter

JG Family

In a short 26 hours, my wife will be winging her way off to Africa.  She is returning to the village she lived in for nearly 4 years as a Peace Corp volunteer.  Part of her motivation is the recent death of a young mother she knew very well.

This blog is an opportunity for me to share what she is doing, but also to provide me (and our children) a space to explore my (their) own feelings about this big adventure.

So...for the next 14 days I will be a single parent, with all the associated responsibilities; school drop-off/pick-up, my own job, after school activities, chores around house.  I am not so much aware of the amount of work this will be, but rather, how she will be changed when she returns.  PC was a seminal period in her life and she is returning to the location and the people who were there for this transformation. I am both anxious and proud of her for doing this.